When Food FAILS You! – Oatmeal Edition


It has happened again. I have once again been duped by the powers of devilry possessed by the items of food residing in my kitchen. This very morning was like any other morning. I awoke to the gleeful anticipation at the thought of consuming my typical breakfast consisting of a giant bowl of oatmeal, chia seeds, protein powder and cinnamon all bathed in a large quantity of milk. Well, not to spoil the surprise but during the process of combining ingredients, it all went very wrong. During the night, the cinnamon must have managed to re-orient its position on the shelf and situated itself adjacent to the cumin… These two mischievous minions of the spice trade are very similar in colour and the bottles which they reside in are almost identical. Friends, you are clever so I don’t think I have to spell it out for you. But I will. I sprinkled a substantial quantity of cumin into my oatmeal instead of cinnamon.

As the sprinkle process was in progress, an internal alarm was triggered within me as I stared at this bowl of oatmeal which was so close to being ready for consumption. My eyes had betrayed me once by not recognizing the trick played by the troublemakers that are now collectively known as the cinnamon/cumin alliance. However, my eyes attempted to right their wrong and they were able to send a message to my brain informing it that some spice fuckery had transpired. Unfortunately it was too little too late. Way too late.

It was the slight difference in the colour of the members of this spice alliance that triggered the alarm. During the sprinkling, after receiving the warning message from my eyeballs, the brain said to me, “Hold on a minute. That colour is inconsistent with the colour I know cinnamon to be. There is tomfoolery in the air.” It was at this moment that I nervously turned over the spice bottle to make the name on the label apparent. It was all so clear now. I had made a grave mistake.

Was there any coming back from this? Could the flavour of the protein powder possibly disguise the pungent notes of the cumin? Well there was only one way to find out. As the protein powder was already mixed in, I was not about to make another batch. That shit is expensive! So, I did what any strong of mind bodybuilder on a budget would do. I ate it. There isn’t much to say. My flavoured protein powder also failed me as it was unable to mask the cumin. Have you ever had cumin in your oats? It is an abomination. I was forced to eat every bite because I refuse to waste food and as a result I barely made it out alive. But thank God I came out unscathed. Physically anyway, maybe not so mentally unscathed or else I wouldn’t be writing 500 words about cumin in my oats.

Let this be a cautionary tale to you all. Food can and will screw with you so sharpen your senses and your knives! The battle begins.


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