The Booty BURN!

Oh, the booty burn. There are three gluteal muscles which make up the buttock, any one of which or a combination of all, when physically stressed, can lead to the booty burn.

Think about if you haven’t participated in the act of exercise in some time. The day after, your body is so sore that you may contemplate lying out in the snow naked just to attain some form of relief. I would experience this pain every single year at the start of soccer season after remaining dormant for the winter months. I would then awaken the following morning and every part of my body would be in agony and this would sometimes persist for up to a week. If some of you are reading this and don’t know what I am referring to, you either don’t partake in any form of physical activity whatsoever or you are simply not working out hard enough…sorry, don’t shoot the messenger.

This pain, known as delayed onset muscle soreness (DOMS), is a sensation experienced when a certain muscle or group of muscles has been physically stressed. Why would I want to stress my muscles you wonder? Well, the simple fact is that your muscles will not grow if they are not stressed. Exercising will actually stimulate the muscles and allow them to function properly. Have you ever wondered why people who are wheelchair bound due to paralysis have such thin legs? It is because the muscles become atrophied (shrink) due to the lack of stimulation. The old saying “Use it or lose it” applies here. A similar event occurs with people who have been on bed rest for long periods of time. They tend to be very weak when they are permitted to return to normal activity and they must rehabilitate their muscles in order to return to their previous capabilities.

But why would anyone want to experience this discomfort? It is painful and can make everyday activities complicated. Leg day is notorious for this. Simply planting your painful bottom on the seat of death, also known to leg day enthusiasts as the toilet or attempting to journey up the mammoth of a mountain known as the stairs can be a daunting task. If you go hard on leg day, you know that I am not being dramatic when I say this. So I ask again, why would anyone want to willingly push themselves until they blast their bottom to the point of achieving DOMS? The answer my friends is progress. Pain means GAIN! If ever I complete a workout and I am not sore the next day, I feel as if I have done something wrong. I did not go balls to the wall and therefore I must suffer through my lack of muscle discomfort. I will be reminded the whole day that the previous days work out was a pansy ass failed attempt at building muscle.

Yesterday was leg day. I smashed those glutes from every direction and then pushed them some more. I knew I would achieve it. I knew it! And sure enough, today I received my gift. It was the gift of muscular gains as evidenced by my substantial ass pain. Every exercise, every movement, was one more step towards the perfectly shaped, bulbous, rock solid rump. The sadist in me reveals itself after I remain idle for a time which allows for the discomfort to subside. What does sadist Christina do when this occurs? I clench those mothers so tight in order to feel the pain I so rightly earned. I clench them so tight that I could pop open a pistachio if said pistachio was strategically placed between both cheeks. Heads up, don’t eat my pistachios… You know where they’ve been.


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