Designated Cheat Meal DENIED!

For anyone on a strict nutrition plan like myself, allowing the occasional cheat meal is the one saving grace. This is the time you allow yourself to indulge in either high fat or high sugar foods without the accompanying guilt which customarily follows.

Every bad food choice I make, I see it as a cheat. I even see eating too much of a good thing as a cheat! How nuts is that? I think I could quite possibly drive myself right into the crazy house if I continue on this path. I just want to be able to down five shots of tequila and not feel bad about it, OK?! …Well maybe the calorie count is the least of my worries after consuming that many shots… But I digress. The important thing to note is that every bodybuilder needs a cheat meal every now and then, not to satisfy the body, but to satisfy the neurotic mind of anyone crazy enough to participate in this sport.

I recently celebrated a birthday and the typical birthday festivities ensued. Surely I would allow myself to indulge in the customary birthday cake. After all, my next competition isn’t until March and it’s my birthday for goodness sake! So I planned it out and made sure that I did not have any cheats earlier on in the day so I would avoid feeling guilt about having my cake and eating it too. I ate a small piece, not large enough to satisfy me but small enough to prevent guilt. I held on to the notion that the cake would be preserved in the freezer (ice cream cake) so that I may indulge in another cheat in the very near future. For the following few days, every time I retrieved something from the freezer I would see my cake and smile knowing that I would soon allow myself to indulge once again. When I had finally decided that the time was right, I excitedly sauntered to the kitchen, opened the freezer and…and…WHERE IS IT?? In an absolute panic, I interrogated the members of my household and was tempted to file a police report. In my anxious state, I was informed that I was being slightly over dramatic but these people did not realize the seriousness of the situation. After some intensive investigating, I found the culprit, or I should say culprits. Apparently leaving the cake in the freezer for long periods of time is a public invitation to the birthday cake buffet. Lesson learned. Now I will be the person who leaves sticky notes on every single item of food to warn others of my wrath. Yes, I am going to be that person… You might as well lock me up in the psych ward right now.

When one is committed to something and so convinced that something is going to happen and then the rug is pulled out from you, it’s like finding out that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Like the big fat man bringing you presents is not really Santa but an intruder voyeur and instead of giving presents, he is stealing cake. Soul crushing! So Satanic Santa is responsible for the empty pit in my stomach that was supposed to be filled by the glorious ice cream cake. Why not fill said pit with another cheat you ask? No! I was craving ice cream cake and now there is none. The pit will now be filled with tears…or maybe pizza.

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