I wrote this post the other week when I was sick but I didn’t end up making it public. I’ll be honest, I had a late night yesterday and I am far too tired to write a new post today. Without further ado, here you go…
Do you ever question your motivations? Every now and then I experience days where I feel that I lose myself. As I was half assing it through my workout today due to my current affliction known as the common cold, I found myself questioning my love of exercise. I spent the majority of the day lounging in sweats so ill fitting that in the eyes of a stranger, I likely would have appeared to be 4x my actual size and my pants so baggy that they gave the illusion that my butt was dangling down to my knees. Needless to say, I was not in an exercising mood. So I put it off. I’ll go at 2:00. I put it off. I’ll go at 4. I put if off. Eventually around 7pm I picked myself up out of the pool of tissues that had accumulated around my body and I squeezed into my workout attire. I would have much rather gone to the gym in the clothes I was already in, however I suspected that I may have been perceived as a homeless person and would then have been escorted off the premises. I did not feel so in love with exercise at this point. Even as I was working out, I just wanted to be at home, veg out on the couch and eat a less than healthy portion of cake. That’s not who I am! What is happening to me?! This isn’t the first time I have battled with my motivations. Every now and then I will experience this and question my goals. In the past I have questioned my desire to compete in fitness competitions, to workout as hard and as much as I do, and to stick with a nutrition plan that would make any normal individual want to stab themselves in the throat with a fork. Eventually I always snap out of it and fall back in love with the gym and with competing and all is right with the world but this journey of mine is so draining.
Constant discipline and dietary restrictions would drive anyone crazy. I just break every now and then unfortunately. I must remind myself of the end goal and how sweet it will be to achieve it. Becoming an IFBB bikini pro and competing with the best is what I want most, and I will not achieve it unless I remain focused and dedicated.
So join me as I trudge on through physical and mental discomfort and hope that these current misguided feelings of hatred for physical exercise subside sooner than later so I can return back to my fitness loving self.
If you are ever feeling alone in your less than pleasant thoughts of exercise, just remember that even gym robots have bad days.