When I first began going to my current gym, I saw everything through rose-coloured glasses. The machines were great, there was ample space and the boys were nice to look at. I have been with my gym for a year now and I am sad to inform you that the glasses have come off. I have noticed that some of the machines break down on a somewhat regular basis, the gym can be quite crowded at times and the boys have gotten less attractive. Perhaps it was this way all along and I have just become somewhat bored with the monotony of my gym leading me to get picky about silly things. One thing that is not silly however is the disappearance of the ankle cuff!
After doing some research on different ways to work the glutes and hamstrings, I came across an exercise called cable kickbacks. For this exercise, one uses a strap to attach their ankle to the cable machine and they then proceed to kick backwards. This is a fantastic exercise and it looks kinda sexy at the same time. Unless one has an ankle cuff for this maneuver, this exercise can become very difficult to carry out. Back in the summer of 2013, I started doing this exercise on a regular basis and never had any difficulty locating the cuff. Well as time went on, this changed. Where the hell did it go? I went to the front desk and asked if they had any extras, they took a quick look and said that I was out of luck. The next leg day, the ankle cuff was still MIA. When questioned, the front desk staff informed me that they would be ordering more soon. I waited perhaps a month before approaching them again and it was at this point that I got very frustrated because the ankle cuffs were still unavailable. Seriously, what the F.
I fell into a cable kickback withdrawal depression because I could no longer work those glutes in the desired way. I began to eye my fellow gym goers knowing that one of them was my ankle cuff thief. Do not rule out anyone as a suspect! Who the hell steals an ankle cuff? What are you planning on doing with it? I would really like to know the answer to that question, unless it is for some kinky business and then keep that information to yourself and you should probably burn the cuff…
Enough is enough. I was tired of waiting for something miraculous to happen which would result in the re-appearance of the ankle cuff. So what did I do? I acquired my own of course and it was a fantastic investment. Now I can saunter right up to the cable machine and bust out my very own ankle cuff and do my thing. Once finished, I detach the ankle cuff and take that sucker with me as I watch all the girls look on with curiosity as to how I found the mystic ankle cuff. That’s right ladies, I bought it.
To all the gym thieves out there, I have a message. That message is that I do not know who you are and realistically if you want to keep stealing ankle cuffs you will likely be able to get away with it. However, if I ever do find out who you are, you can expect some major stink eye from me. What did you think I was going to say? I am not about to threaten these dummies with violence even though I could so take them on. Although if they ever tried to touch my personal ankle cuff, all bets are off and the SHE BEAST is coming out!