The Bitter Taste of Disappointment

Some of you may be wondering about the results of the show from this past Saturday. I was planning on updating you sooner however I needed time to lick my metaphorical wounds. I am sad to report that I did not do as well as anticipated. In fact, I didn’t even place in the top 5. I am attempting to come from an unbiased place when I make the next statements. I was very puzzled by the choices that the judges made. I am sure that they know what they are doing, however I just did not quite understand why they made some of the choices that they did. I will give credit where credit is due and say that my competitors all looked great. In my category (bikini medium), one of the girls in the top 5 was more muscular than me yet the winner of the bikini medium was perhaps less muscular. The winner of the bikini short class was very lean and cut and yet the winner of the bikini tall class did not appear to have much visible musculature. I am not a judge so obviously they saw something different than what I saw, however I perceived the results to be quite inconsistent between the bikini height classes. I hope this does not come off as bitter, I am simply confused. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they were making their decisions because having some insight into the decision making process would be very enlightening.

I am not going to lie to you. Immediately after the show and the following day, the though of “why bother” did race through my mind. But if everyone gave up after failing, then there would be so much wasted potential and missed opportunities out there. Think about all of the successful people in this world and how many times they have failed before achieving their goals. Ashley Kaltwasser is the current Ms. Bikini Olympia. She came in 10th place at the last Arnold Classic and then went on to win the Olympia and then take top spot at this year’s Arnold Classic. If she had given up after her 10th place finish, she would have never reached her true potential. So, while my disappointing finish at Saturday’s contest still hurts, I can’t let this get me down. The easiest thing to do is give up and that is a fast track down a road of regret.

New guy, who is officially my boyfriend of 1 month now, was at the show and he could not have been more supportive. Despite having a long day of waiting around only to see me on stage for a few minutes, he seemed to enjoy the experience. You know what he said to me? On Monday he told me that he was excited to see me on stage at the next show. He said this at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would be prepared to get back on stage in the near future. Hearing him say that helped me to pick myself up off the ground and it made me want to get back on that stage.

When I try to think back about what it was that the judges didn’t like about me, I drive myself a little crazy. It could have been anything. It could have been that they didn’t like my hair or that they didn’t like the way my suit was riding up and exposing my giant butt. Perhaps they did not like my big thighs or my makeup. Who knows? Regardless, I have to try something different for the next show. There is no point continuing doing the same things as they clearly didn’t respond well to it. I am going to try to up my weights as I will admit that I have become somewhat complacent and perhaps even reached a plateau. I stopped pushing myself and got comfortable staying at the same weight. I will try to eat more food and not stress so much. Hopefully I will fall back in love with the gym and with food and just chill the F out a little bit.

The next local show is May 10th. I am not sure if I will do it but I don’t have to decide right away. I told the boyfriend about it and he seems very enthusiastic about me entering that show. I will be sure to keep you posted of my decision regarding this matter. Stay positive and keep striving. It’s not easy but it is more fulfilling than the alternative.

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