Stick with what you are good at?

Hello friends!

So the show on May 10th was the biggest show that I have ever been in. It was almost too big. The pre-judging took about 7 hours with the bikini girls right at the end. Not only was it tiresome for me to wait around all day but I felt bad for my entourage that came out to support me. They had to wait around for what could be an entire work day for some people. It just seemed that perhaps things could have been organized differently. But then again, I don’t want to shit too much on the show because on the off chance that someone from the federation reads this blog, I don’t want to find myself face to face with a masked bodybuilder who’s sole mission is to silence me… 

There was what seemed like a million bikini girls competing in each hight class. We definitely out numbered any other category, by far. So for any single guys out there, if you are trolling for some girls in the best shape of their life, it’s not a bad place to look. Although some of these ladies will be much stronger than you so keep it classy, gentlemen. There were 4 height classes in bikini and in my height class, there were 19 girls. I got second call out which I was ok with. Of course I wanted to place top 5 but I have learned that this organization is very wishy washy with their placings, so I have come to accept their interesting judging choices. Again, I found judging to be very inconsistant. In my height class, first place had some abs on her but second place didn’t have much visible musculature. I just don’t know how you can reward one body and reward another that looks completely diffent. It seems that they are picking people on a whim rather than based on a certain specific body type that they want. It makes it very difficult as a competitior to know what they want because you are basically taking a shot in the dark. I heard through the grape vine that the girl in the tall height class missed out on first place because her hair was slightly more frizzy than the other girl’s. If this is the case, then this is not the orginization for me. I hope this orginization enjoyed sucking some money from me because that is the last dime I spend on one of their shows. Damn, those are some fighting words. With that said, I better not go back to them because if they read that, then there is definitely no chance of me winning. What am I saying? They never even gave me top 5 so I think it is safe to say that I am just not what they are looking for.

So should I stick with what I am good at? The first organization I tried seemed to respond to my physique. I took home second place twice with that one. And as a spectator, that orginization is much more predictable. You know why? Because they judge based on a certain criteria and the winner is chosen based on a specific physique type. What I have leared from is orginization is that they love a well developed back and some nice round delts. If you also have some quad/ham definition, basically take home the trophy now. I started competing because I wanted my phyqisue to be judged. If I had wanted to enter a beauty pagent, I would have done so. It seems that there are some blurred lines in bikini. With that said, I will return to the first orginization. They have a show in July and I may decide to do it. I am not 100% sure yet because I am enjoying pizza way too much but the option is there.

Perhaps it is enough to be happy with my body and not have other reward me with trophies. I couldn’t be happier with myself so at the end of the day, do I need to win competitions? I guess maybe I will do it until I no longer have a love for it. Constant rejection may erode that love sooner than later but despite all of that, not once have my poor placings ever caused me to be self conscious about what I bring to the stage. I guess that’s winning.

The picture above is of the show on May 10th. I am in the middle showing way too much sass for my own good. The girl on the left took home first place and the girl on the right took home 2nd. Interesting.

Boxing as viewed by a bodybuilder…

Sometimes experiencing new things can yield positive or negative feelings. However if one never attempts to experience anything new, it is a true waste of the intellectual curiosity we as human beings have. My boyfriend and I went to a professional boxing match this past weekend and it was a first time for the both of us. I’ll be honest and admit that I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy it but I was looking forward to experiencing this new life event. I am not usually a fan of violence but I wanted to witness it simply to add it to my resume of life. This is similar to the emotions that I felt when I saw a bullfight in Spain a few years ago. I knew that they would kill the bull at the end and I wasn’t particularly excited for the brutality of the match, and yet I wanted to experience this cultural event. Years later, I am still unsure whether I enjoyed it but I am very glad that I attended. But I digress. I want to tell you about my experience at the boxing match and how my fitness competitions have skewed my view of the world.

For the boxing match, the uniform is shorts, shoes, gloves. They do not wear shirts. Anytime I am able to witness athletes without clothing, my mind goes into muscle analysis mode. I found myself critiquing their physiques as if they were competing in a bodybuilding event. His lats are better than his, he has no deltoids, where are his pecs? Apparently boxers are supposed to be somewhat lean and not overly developed in the muscle department and I got schooled when I voiced my opinions. Supposedly the smaller the boxer, the quicker they can move or something of that nature. I don’t know boxing, I know bodybuilding.

Something did bother me quite a bit at the match….so much paleness. The last time I saw so many pale people without shirts on was when I watched the movie Twilight. The sweat dripping off of the pale boxers was even reminiscent of the sparkly skin of the vampires in that movie. Holy moly, I thought I might go blind. Perhaps, my brain is no longer wired correctly. Everything I witness, I seem to compare to my fitness shows. If someone that pale even attempted to step on my stage, they would probably burn to a crisp after the stage lights hit them.

When the main event came on, the boxers were slightly more bulky to my delight. I heard some audience members behind me say, “He is super jacked.”… At that moment, I had no words. I suppose jacked is a relative term because clearly this spectator has never been to a fitness facility in their life. Regardless, these boxers did have more muscles than the rest of the boxers. The thing with boxing is that it is judged based on a subjective point system. Yes, sometimes it is obvious to tell who will win a match, but unless someone is knocked out, the decision is left up to the judges. This slightly reminded me of the judging at a bodybuilding competition.

Some audience members near us were clearly close family or friends of one of the competitors. The most vocal supporter was a rather large woman with a rather large voice that came in at quite a high decibel. I wouldn’t have minded the loud chants if she wasn’t so damn obnoxious. Perhaps she could benefit from expending her energy on different things, like any form of physical activity, for example. Oh, now I’m being rude. I should stop there before the haters jump on me. I meant it only as a friendly suggestion. I am just promoting heart health and diabetes prevention after all.

Inspiration can be a Fickle Asshole

After an extended hiatus from writing, I have finally decided to return to the craft. I must explain that my inspiration seemed to have walked out on me. This included my inspiration for strict eating, working out and writing. This thing called inspiration heartbreakingly dumped me just like Brad dumped Jen. Perhaps someone else needed my inspiration more than I did, and I guess if I look at it like that, it doesn’t seem so bad.

Before you go and give yourself a brain aneurysm, NO I did not start on a diet which only consisted of chocolate cake with a side of churros, and my only form of exercise was NOT walking from the couch to the kitchen with the occasional saunter to the bathroom. While it may be true that the asshole called inspiration did leave me, I still did it without that bastard. Side note, it makes it more fun to blame something when you imagine it is a physical being. In case anyone is unclear, I am referring to inspiration as a person in order to scapegoat. I must admit that it is quite difficult to force yourself to do something day in and day out when you no longer feel motivated, but rest assured that it can be done. So I worked out but I took the occasional day off which was previously unheard of. And I ate. Not cray cray ate, but I ate…and drank. Cake, pasta, fries, pizza, and the inside of a canolli once. Funny story, my brother saw the canolli shell and got all excited that there was one left only to realize that some sneaky devil had eaten all of the cream inside. I am said sneaky devil. I didn’t intend for it to happen though. At first, I just wanted a taste of the cream and then one thing led to another and I thought I couldn’t possibly live with myself if I ate both the shell and the cream.  So in the end, I left the shell on the off-chance that some poor bastard might be canolli hungry enough to feel satisfied with the shell alone. If you find this behaviour odd, I assure you that my oddness extends to every aspect of my life. After all, I am the bright spark who literally screamed at the sight of my own shadow and then proceeded to attempt an acrobatic evasive manoeuver to avoid the perceived danger…yesterday.

Enter the present. I have begun to restrict the junk once more as something big is coming. I have been humming and hawing for weeks when it came to deciding whether or not I would compete on May 10th. It was probably 3 or 4 days ago that I finally made the decision. This is a risky move as my diet has been less than stellar however the judges didn’t seem to like me when I was super strict so what have I got to lose. Maybe those judges might be bamboozled by me this time and end up giving me a trophy despite my non strict behaviours! Wouldn’t that be a fun little prank?

I feel like I am in a different mindset going into this show. I suffer no delusions this time. It must be noted that what one considers to be a winning physique might end up not being rewarded simply because of the opinion of those “special” people who sit in the front row. Whatever happens will happen and I want to get back to loving the process. Yesterday, I was giving it some serious thought while I was supposed to be working and realized that most of all I just can’t wait to get on stage and have everyone look at me. Screw the trophy. I love what I will be presenting to the audience and that is all that matters. Yeah, it sucks to lose but how can you lose when you love yourself? Oh boy,I sound super cheesy but it is how I feel. If you had any doubt, you can just peruse my self-indulgent instagram account to see for yourself. Instagram is a platform perfect for the egotist, narcissist or exhibitionist. Have I become all of the above? Maybe it isn’t so bad to find your inner egotist because I can assure you that self love is much sweeter than self hate.