The search for home-made bread substitutes

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I have been successful in avoiding bread for quite some time now (for the most part). Occasionally I will have a whole wheat wrap but that is only if I am out and there a very few options to choose from. Finding substitutes for bread however can be somewhat difficult.

Previously I have tried the lettuce leaf wrap and it worked alright but ripped easily. I suppose this depends on the type of lettuce so I won’t rule it out completely.

I have also tried seaweed as a wrap. I used the large nori sheets and found them to also be alright but they got soggy quickly if anything in the wrap was moist. I suppose you could use more than one sheet to prevent sogginess.

I have also tried to make pita “bread” from chickpea flour. That worked nicely but I have to prefect the ingredient measurements. It was more of a taco shape than a wrap as sometimes the wrap would rip if folded too much. But as I mentioned, I’m sure it is just a matter of tweaking the ingredient proportions.

My current endeavour is to attempt to make a bun out of predominantly cauliflower. I am optimistic and excited about this one. And I shall begin this process right now and let you know the outcome.

…Some time later…

Cauliflower buns complete! While I was making them, I felt as though they needed more of an adhering substance as they were not sticking together very well. However once they were cooked, while a tad crumbly, they maintained their shape pretty well. But alas, it is another ingredient proportion issue that can eventually be worked out. As far as taste goes, when eaten alone, they had a strong cauliflower taste, obviously. However when used in a sandwich bun situation, the cauliflower taste was masked by the flavour of the contents within the sandwich. I would call this a success. It was a bit labour intensive because I had to use a grater to get the cauliflower to the desired consistency. It would have been a lot less work if I had access to a food process.

In summation, I would ideally find a bread substitute that was less work to make. I think while quite nutritious, the cauliflower bun will not be made on the regular. I think the next step is to retry the chickpea flour pita and perhaps add different flour to the mix (coconut flour possibly). When I get that recipe just right, I will report back.

The Win That Almost Wasn’t

sprayHave you ever tried so hard to accomplish something and then due to someone else’s actions, what you worked so hard for was almost ruined? Well, remember when I told you that I won 1st place the November contest…? Well it almost didn’t happen.

Normally, shows begin around 9 or 10am which means I usually get my spray tan done the day before the show. It is a pain in the ass because you can’t wear anything tight, no one can touch you and you have to sleep like a starfish. Perhaps some skin types take the tan better, but my skin is notorious for repelling the tan.

Things were a little different for the November show. The show was to begin at 6pm so I figured I had plenty of time to get my tan done the day of. I scheduled the tan for 11am and when the time came, off I went. Here is where the trouble began…

The lady who owns the spray tan salon and who normally does my tan was on maternity leave. This is of course perfectly acceptable. However, if you are going to continue to take my business, I expect that I will receive the same service. I don’t know where the owner found this girl but she must have been still in high school and clearly had never done a competition spray tan before. Let me stress that a competition spray tan is very different than a regular spray tan.

Feeling scepticism yet hopefully optimistic, I stripped down and prayed for a good outcome. I was right to feel scepticism… I kept telling her that the tan needed to be darker, darker, darker. She called the owner several times yet the result was not what I needed it to be. Clearly this girl was missing a step. I can’t necessarily blame her as the owner left her ill prepared. She lathered me with coat after coat and it got to a point where if she put anymore on, it would just be dripping.

As I stood naked in the room to dry, the lack of heat was almost unbearable. I asked if there was anything that could be done to warm the space but junior mint told replied with a “no”. As the tan dries and I begin to freeze to death, I look at myself in the mirror and almost shit a brick. This is not acceptable.

When dry, I went to the front desk. Not only am I extremely unhappy with the tan but I also find out that the rates have been raised. I tell her to call the owner and demand a reduced rate as I am extremely unhappy. The owner tells junior mint that the spray tan costs more and the full balance is due. Thinking back, I should have fought harder because I paid for a spray tan but did NOT receive one.

By the time I got home, the tan around my hips was smudged terribly and it was way too light to step on stage. I began to ball my eyes out and proceeded to create racoon eyes as the tan around my eyes was washed away. Keep in mind that she show is just hours away at this point.

I call a different salon that tells me to shower the previous tan off and then they will redo it. Feeling somewhat less stressed, I shower and rush over.

I strip down and the tanning process begins. And ends… Oops there is not enough formula. What…the…hell…am…I…supposed…to…do?

Feeling bad for me, this new salon calls another salon and makes an emergency appointment for me. I rush over and finally I am at ease. The tan is dark, the tan is even, the tan is competition worthy!

As I stand drying in a nice warm room, I am excited about my great tan but that is not the only thing to consider. As it approaches 4pm, I still have not done my hair or makeup and we still have to consider driving time… F.

Once dry, I rush home. The makeup ends up looking ok but there is no time for the hair…what? I had wanted to curl the hair but it looks like it is just going to have to stay straight. In a competition where a bad tan, bad makeup or bad hair can cost you the win, I was slightly concerned.

Well, I guess good things come to those who persevere because I ended up winning in the bikini category. The road to success is never straight and easy, I suppose. Adversity will make you stronger and teach you a lot. In the grand scheme of things, if this is the worst thing in the world to ever happen to me, it’s not so bad (especially considering the outcome).