The Win That Almost Wasn’t

sprayHave you ever tried so hard to accomplish something and then due to someone else’s actions, what you worked so hard for was almost ruined? Well, remember when I told you that I won 1st place the November contest…? Well it almost didn’t happen.

Normally, shows begin around 9 or 10am which means I usually get my spray tan done the day before the show. It is a pain in the ass because you can’t wear anything tight, no one can touch you and you have to sleep like a starfish. Perhaps some skin types take the tan better, but my skin is notorious for repelling the tan.

Things were a little different for the November show. The show was to begin at 6pm so I figured I had plenty of time to get my tan done the day of. I scheduled the tan for 11am and when the time came, off I went. Here is where the trouble began…

The lady who owns the spray tan salon and who normally does my tan was on maternity leave. This is of course perfectly acceptable. However, if you are going to continue to take my business, I expect that I will receive the same service. I don’t know where the owner found this girl but she must have been still in high school and clearly had never done a competition spray tan before. Let me stress that a competition spray tan is very different than a regular spray tan.

Feeling scepticism yet hopefully optimistic, I stripped down and prayed for a good outcome. I was right to feel scepticism… I kept telling her that the tan needed to be darker, darker, darker. She called the owner several times yet the result was not what I needed it to be. Clearly this girl was missing a step. I can’t necessarily blame her as the owner left her ill prepared. She lathered me with coat after coat and it got to a point where if she put anymore on, it would just be dripping.

As I stood naked in the room to dry, the lack of heat was almost unbearable. I asked if there was anything that could be done to warm the space but junior mint told replied with a “no”. As the tan dries and I begin to freeze to death, I look at myself in the mirror and almost shit a brick. This is not acceptable.

When dry, I went to the front desk. Not only am I extremely unhappy with the tan but I also find out that the rates have been raised. I tell her to call the owner and demand a reduced rate as I am extremely unhappy. The owner tells junior mint that the spray tan costs more and the full balance is due. Thinking back, I should have fought harder because I paid for a spray tan but did NOT receive one.

By the time I got home, the tan around my hips was smudged terribly and it was way too light to step on stage. I began to ball my eyes out and proceeded to create racoon eyes as the tan around my eyes was washed away. Keep in mind that she show is just hours away at this point.

I call a different salon that tells me to shower the previous tan off and then they will redo it. Feeling somewhat less stressed, I shower and rush over.

I strip down and the tanning process begins. And ends… Oops there is not enough formula. What…the…hell…am…I…supposed…to…do?

Feeling bad for me, this new salon calls another salon and makes an emergency appointment for me. I rush over and finally I am at ease. The tan is dark, the tan is even, the tan is competition worthy!

As I stand drying in a nice warm room, I am excited about my great tan but that is not the only thing to consider. As it approaches 4pm, I still have not done my hair or makeup and we still have to consider driving time… F.

Once dry, I rush home. The makeup ends up looking ok but there is no time for the hair…what? I had wanted to curl the hair but it looks like it is just going to have to stay straight. In a competition where a bad tan, bad makeup or bad hair can cost you the win, I was slightly concerned.

Well, I guess good things come to those who persevere because I ended up winning in the bikini category. The road to success is never straight and easy, I suppose. Adversity will make you stronger and teach you a lot. In the grand scheme of things, if this is the worst thing in the world to ever happen to me, it’s not so bad (especially considering the outcome).


The much needed ego boost and the workout interruption


As you all know, my ego has been bruised by my recent placing at the last fitness show. Aside from being content with oneself, is there any better way to instill confidence and re-inflate the ego than to receive unsolicited compliments? I had an interesting experience at the gym last night and I wanted to share it with you all. Now, you might think that there would be nothing to complain about if you are receiving compliments at the gym. But hellooooo, I’m trying to do a hardcore workout here and in between every other exercise, I am being forced to engage in small talk. When it come to men, I can be such a pushover and have trouble outright rejecting them to their face. It is easier to me to just ignore a phone call or text and hope that they get the point. At the gym, it’s a lot harder to just ignore because that comes off as terribly rude. It is against the social protocol to just pretend that you didn’t hear someone who is right in front of your face and trying to get your attention. But for God’s sake, I am trying to get a good leg burn going and you are messing with that! Unacceptable.

I have decided that my legs need much improvement before my next show, so my first stop last night at the gym was the squat rack. I loaded one 45lb plate on each side and proceeded to squat. At the end of my third set…I failed. I couldn’t get the bar up and I proceeded to lower the bar to the ground while still on my shoulders and in a very ungraceful manner and then I crawled out from underneath it. As I sat on the ground hoping that no one saw that embarrassing display, a guy who has made efforts to talk to me before came right up and said “I have to ask, do you have a boyfriend?” When did a failed squat become a mating call? This is the guy who kept interrupting my workout and hitting on me even after I informed him that I was happily in a relationship. He blatantly asked me out for a bite to eat and when I told him that he knows I can’t, he just pretended to be clueless as to why. I understand persistence but sometimes a little respect is necessary. And DON’T INTERRUPT MY DAMN WORKOUT! Don’t you know I have only a limited time to get my legs perfect before the next show, should I decide to enter. Read my mind, dude.

Then there was the somewhat creepy statement from a different guy last night. While at the squat rack, an older gentleman came to me and said “I just want to stand near you. I told my mother about you”…interesting.

I know, I know, woe is me. But I go to the gym for a purpose and that purpose is to sculpt my body. Period. If this type of interruption is going to continue, I will have to consider changing gym locations. Im sure my boyfriend would prefer that.

With this rant, the purpose is not to say that I am not approachable at the gym. I would gladly speak with anyone, however with that said, first and foremost I am there to workout. So please don’t try to engage me in an in depth debate with a side of workout.

The Bitter Taste of Disappointment

Some of you may be wondering about the results of the show from this past Saturday. I was planning on updating you sooner however I needed time to lick my metaphorical wounds. I am sad to report that I did not do as well as anticipated. In fact, I didn’t even place in the top 5. I am attempting to come from an unbiased place when I make the next statements. I was very puzzled by the choices that the judges made. I am sure that they know what they are doing, however I just did not quite understand why they made some of the choices that they did. I will give credit where credit is due and say that my competitors all looked great. In my category (bikini medium), one of the girls in the top 5 was more muscular than me yet the winner of the bikini medium was perhaps less muscular. The winner of the bikini short class was very lean and cut and yet the winner of the bikini tall class did not appear to have much visible musculature. I am not a judge so obviously they saw something different than what I saw, however I perceived the results to be quite inconsistent between the bikini height classes. I hope this does not come off as bitter, I am simply confused. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when they were making their decisions because having some insight into the decision making process would be very enlightening.

I am not going to lie to you. Immediately after the show and the following day, the though of “why bother” did race through my mind. But if everyone gave up after failing, then there would be so much wasted potential and missed opportunities out there. Think about all of the successful people in this world and how many times they have failed before achieving their goals. Ashley Kaltwasser is the current Ms. Bikini Olympia. She came in 10th place at the last Arnold Classic and then went on to win the Olympia and then take top spot at this year’s Arnold Classic. If she had given up after her 10th place finish, she would have never reached her true potential. So, while my disappointing finish at Saturday’s contest still hurts, I can’t let this get me down. The easiest thing to do is give up and that is a fast track down a road of regret.

New guy, who is officially my boyfriend of 1 month now, was at the show and he could not have been more supportive. Despite having a long day of waiting around only to see me on stage for a few minutes, he seemed to enjoy the experience. You know what he said to me? On Monday he told me that he was excited to see me on stage at the next show. He said this at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would be prepared to get back on stage in the near future. Hearing him say that helped me to pick myself up off the ground and it made me want to get back on that stage.

When I try to think back about what it was that the judges didn’t like about me, I drive myself a little crazy. It could have been anything. It could have been that they didn’t like my hair or that they didn’t like the way my suit was riding up and exposing my giant butt. Perhaps they did not like my big thighs or my makeup. Who knows? Regardless, I have to try something different for the next show. There is no point continuing doing the same things as they clearly didn’t respond well to it. I am going to try to up my weights as I will admit that I have become somewhat complacent and perhaps even reached a plateau. I stopped pushing myself and got comfortable staying at the same weight. I will try to eat more food and not stress so much. Hopefully I will fall back in love with the gym and with food and just chill the F out a little bit.

The next local show is May 10th. I am not sure if I will do it but I don’t have to decide right away. I told the boyfriend about it and he seems very enthusiastic about me entering that show. I will be sure to keep you posted of my decision regarding this matter. Stay positive and keep striving. It’s not easy but it is more fulfilling than the alternative.

The Ski Experience

As I like to report on all things fitness/sports related in my life, I wanted to share a recent experience that I had. Never one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to partake in my first attempt at skiing over this past weekend. I find that the general concept behind skiing is slightly strange. Let me strap on some very large sticks to my legs and hope that I stay in an upright position long enough to get to the bottom of the hill. This is supposed to be a pleasurable activity? Well, in fact I did have quite a significant amount of fun while getting an extra dose of exercise at the same time.

This strange new activity was not the easiest thing in the world to familiarize myself with. First of all, the ski boots which I was to use were far too small for my feet and it being my first time, I thought perhaps they were supposed to be very tight. I guess my first indication that the boots were actually the incorrect size was the fact that it took me the better part of a whole minute to get my foot into each boot…stupid me. Once on, I had to adjust my gait in order to adapt to the forward pitch of the boots. I must have looked like an infant taking its first steps. Again, a very strange experience. You should have seen me while attempting to walk down stairs with the boots on.

Once I finally managed to get outside and attach my skis to the boots, I proceeded to the bunny hill. Maneuvering the skis on a flat surface was difficult enough so I was concerned for my pride at this point. I did manage two successful attempts down the bunny hill and felt ready for the more advanced hills.

Bend your knees, do the pizza maneuver, lean this way and that way… I was being told to do so many things all at once and it was a completely foreign feeling this skiing thing. I managed to do alright at slowing down but every once in a while, things would get a little crazy and I would lose control. When this would happen, all efforts to slow down had failed and I would be barreling down the hill going full speed, praying to whoever would listen that I should not hit a divot in the snow and go flying head first into a tree. My prayers were answered for the most part, although nearing the end of the adventure, it was a fence that I should have been more concerned about rather than a tree. My speed was too great and I lost my ability to turn. As I looked ahead in horror at the fast approaching fence, I did what I thought was my only option. I forced myself to wipe out in order to prevent certain death by fence. I have a nasty bruise on my right hip as a little souvenir. That sucker better have fully disappeared before contest time! We are only 3 and a half weeks away!! Yet I am contemplating going skiing again probably next week. I am just a glutton for punishment.

What made the experience that much better was that my date stayed by me the whole time. Yes, there was laughter when I fell, but the laughter only came after his feeling of concern had subsided when he realized that I was fine after each fall.

Dont be afraid to try a new experience. You might just enjoy it and pick up a few badass battle wounds along the way.

Healthy By Association?

You have made the decision to get healthy. You have committed to nutritious eating habits and a consistent fitness routine. You have done what you can to ensure that you have set yourself up for success when it comes to your personal health and fitness goals. But what about the people who you spend most of your time with?

Perhaps your significant other supposedly supports your fitness goals. However, what if they do not share any of the same ideals when it comes to their own health. Would that bother you that they eat very unhealthy? Would it bother you that they smoke? Would it bother you that they drink alcoholic beverages on a regular basis? Would it bother you that they cannot even remember the last time they completed a structured workout? ultimately, you would be exposed to some of their unhealthy habits because of the nature of the relationship. On occasion you will go to your partners favorite restaurant and there may not be a single healthy option on the menu. Or you may be guilted into missing the gym one day because they want to take you on an all day outing. F. dilemma.

Is it fair to expect your partner to pick up some of your healthy habits in the name of prolonging life? Screw fairness, it is what’s best for them. I suppose one could rationalize forcing their views on another by saying it is what is best for them, but at the same time many awful things have been done to people with that same rationale. Or there is the hope that you can lead by example and your partner will just naturally pick up on some of your habits. People do tend to bend when they want to please another person so perhaps through subtle manipulation techniques, a transformation is possible.

One thing to consider is the possibility of pent-up resentment, so be very cautious in your attempts at forcing drastic changes too quickly. For instance, if you state “You must quit smoking now in the name of good health”, that might not go over too well. You will feel resentment because they are not doing something that you so desperately want and they will likely feel resentment because they are being forced to do something that can be quite difficult. Again, F.

So just like many other things in life, compromise is necessary. By no means is that to say that you should give up your healthy ways, but perhaps just don’t expect the sun and the stars of your partner in the blink of an eye. Change is possible but it takes time. Just consider how long it took you to arrive at your decision to get healthy. I only started getting hardcore nutso about health and fitness one year ago so it took me my entire life minus one year to get here. And it was just a matter of finding that one final motivating life event that pushed me into it. Once I found it, I cannot imagine my life any other way. So give him/her a chance to find it for themselves. That being said, a little manipulation won’t hurt. Well, maybe it will hurt physically if they havent been to the gym in a while, but hey pain is temporary.

What In The Snow Covered Hell…?

Why do I live here? I found myself asking myself this very question over and over for this entire winter season due to severe inclement weather. It has been like the Weather Gods gave out all of the nice winter weather to other areas and what was left over was a big old dumping of shit. Here Canada, have some fun with this.

What a nice surprise I received when I stepped outside to head to the gym yesterday morning. I was greeted by snow that had built up so high that it overflowed into my boots  which caused my little toes to freeze. This was a very unpleasant feeling. I had to dig my car out of a snowy coma before realizing that if I didn’t shovel my driveway, I would likely not be able to drive back into said driveway upon my return. The last thing you want to do before you head to the gym is spend the better part of an hour clearing your driveway of heavy snow. I came back into the house to text my friend and ask him to come over and shovel my driveway. He said he would only do so if I made him breakfast. I didn’t like this proposition so I resigned to shoveling the driveway myself. He then told me to stop being a wuss and get my ass to the gym. So I shoveled the whole damn driveway and after a brief session of whining aloud to myself, I made my way to the gym. Let me tell you, shovelling is like a workout on its own.

Once I trudged through the Arctic like conditions and made it to the gym, I was actually quite surprised that it seemed as though everyone had the same dedication to self-inflicted torture as I did. I thought that the gym would be empty but I would say that there was the normal amount of people present for that time of day. Good for us. We are a bunch of nuts.

In my distracted state prior to departing for the gym, I did make a serious blunder. I had forgotten my music at home and was forced to workout without it… This can be quite treacherous at times as it doesn’t allow for appropriate distraction when pumping crazy iron and therefore you are weakened in the musically deprived state. F. Another half assed workout.

After returning home from the gym, I learned that constant snow equals a shovelled driveway that doesn’t look like it has been shovelled. I spent the better part of the afternoon looking out the window and cursing aloud at the snow. So, what did I decide to do? I decided to document my snow day and go outside with just my workout clothes on as a big “F U” to the Weather Gods. Posted above is the very unattractive photo of me yelling to the Weather Gods, so I hope you appreciate that. Clearly I have some sort of mystical powers because the snow soon stopped. Despite this, perhaps I should be thanking the Weather Gods as they are the reason I did not have to go into work… On second thought, NO! They almost prevented me from making it to the gym and that is the worst kind of crime! So I will continue to curse at them until the weather gets nice.

Status Report

First off, I need to apologize as I did not post any new content yesterday. However, I will correct the problem by posting today which is the one day of the week I have assigned as my day off from blogging. So you can all wipe your tears away now.

Today’s post is going to be slightly different. It will be an update on my contest prep and the goings on in my life as it pertains to fitness at the present moment.

Today marks exactly 6 weeks until my next fitness competition and this means that it is crunch time. Meals must be planned out and eaten at regular intervals. Every workout must be balls to the wall. Throw in some cardio into the workouts…ew. No more drinking…that’s going to be a tough one. I have to be really strict about this because I have two 2nd place trophies and I do not intend on picking up a third one. It is time to enter the winners circle and grab the #1 spot. I am ready! Side note: Even my trophies have breast implants! F…

It may surprise you to know but one of the things I am looking forward to is my spray tan. I have seen myself in pictures lately and it kind of looks like I have been living in a cave for a while. That is how white I am. Even though the spray tan can result in an orange hue, I think I might rather be orange than translucent. It was the strangest feeling when I had my first spray tan done. You have to strip down and have some stranger spray you with cold coloured liquid in all the nooks and crannies of your body. An interesting experience to say the least.

My training has been going very well since my last show. Aside from the occasional half assed workout, I have stayed on track. About a week ago, I was suffering from the fitness fatigue and I didn’t want to work out. But you want to know what I do when I don’t feel like working out? I work out. Shit just needs to get done and the world will not pause for anyone. It has been the diet that I have been struggling with lately. And when I say diet, I don’t mean that I am on a diet (reducing calories), I am just referring to the food that I eat. I haven’t been eating poorly or cheating excessively but I find that eating has become a chore because so much thought has to go into what I decide to put into my mouth. I have to snap out of this funk and fast.

Yesterday I spent the majority of my free time bedazzling my new red competition suit which I plan to wear for the March show. Unfortunately, I ran out of bling unexpectedly which has resulted in only one boob being completed. Time to make a run to the craft store. Although it is not completed yet, I must say that it is looking pretty fantastic. It is so fantastic that I was prancing around my house yesterday with the top half of the suit on and yelling ‘Sparkle Tits’ aloud.

On the agenda for today was chest and triceps. I killed them, murdered them, destroyed them, and now I am suffering the consequences. I was so weak after the workout that I couldn’t even open my shaker bottle to rinse it out. Someone else can deal with it, I have a valid excuse. What else to do today? It’s time to make some protein infused granola! It is the perfect healthy snack with a good balance of carbs, protein, and fats. Ok, I’m going to go do that now.